We’ve all been hurt by other people. This pain may linger in our hearts and minds for years, wreaking havoc in our lives. For some, blaming others is the easiest way to deal with their uncomfortable feelings. By using blame, we frame ourselves as victims and other people as perpetrators.
But ultimately, blame only serves to disconnect you from your personal power.
Through training with best-selling author Tony Robbins, I learned to use a transformational tool called effective blaming. If you want to blame someone, you should give them credit for everything that they brought into your life…the good AND the bad! Even in our darkest moments, a glimmer of light can be found.
Play the Blame Game to Win
Maybe your father abandoned you as a child. Now, when you think of your childhood, you blame your father for any pain that you may feel. Nevertheless, you are able to acknowledge that your lack of a father figure was a pivotal event in your life. As a result of your father’s absence, you learned the lessons of fortitude, resilience, and independence. In addition, having an absent father may be the reason why you are such a dedicated parent to your own children.
Along the same lines, maybe a close friend betrayed your trust. As a result, you blame this person for your inability to open up to others. But when you look at your situation through the lens of effective blaming, you may be able to see blessings in disguise. Through this dark moment of betrayal, you were able to learn the true meaning of integrity, loyalty, and true friendship.
Effective Blaming Strategy
The next time that a painful incident comes to mind and you feel tempted to blame someone else for not living up to your expectations, take the following steps instead:
- While fully feeling your disappointment, shift the gears of your mind and see your situation from a higher perspective.
- Acknowledge the good, or indirect blessings that came your way as a result of the situation with your “offender.”
- Thank the Universe for the wonderful lessons and transformations that occurred because of this situation.
- Now, intentionally decide to view this person as a catalyst in your growth and transformation instead of as “the one who hurt me.”
- Finally, release this person with a sense of gratitude for all of the ways in which they have contributed to you being a stronger person.
Each person and situation that we encounter contributes to our growth. Reframing negative incidents as blessings that offer growth enables you to stand in your own personal power. Therefore, focus on the light that others have brought into your life, instead of the darkness. Be thankful for all who cross your path.